feeling SAD.

I was very hesitant to write about this because it's a little more personal than I am accustomed to sharing freely, especially in such a public way as this. But, that was the whole point of me creating this space....to share, to grow, to change.

My subtitle reads "Living a life of love, light, and creativity". I'll be honest and tell you there isn't a whole lot of the light lately, both figuratively and literally.

I love fall. Fall is, without a doubt, my most favorite season. I love the crispness in the air, the foods (pumpkin cookies? coffee? bread? pie? mmm...yes, please), the decorations. I love how the sky is a different shade of blue than it is in the summer and that the trees streak orange!yellow!red! across it before the leaves drop and create a vibrant sea on my lawn.

But fall is my downfall. Fall is when the days grow shorter and that delicious sunlight I subconsciously soak up all summer long dwindles, leaving me feeling like a shell of my former self. It's hard to find the motivation to do anything, even things I enjoy that require little to no effort on my part (like knitting or watching tv). It's a disheartening feeling, but even the desire to do something about it is rarely there.

It's possible you know exactly what I'm talking about. According to an article published by the National Institutes of Health, Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) affects 6% of the US population, and another 14% suffer from a lesser form of seasonal mood changes (winter blues). Ever heard "Away from the Sun" by 3 Doors Down? That's pretty much my theme song these days.

This isn't a cry for help or a plea for comments of sympathy. This post is an invitation to take a step back and assess your own situation. To tell yourself you aren't alone, you are indeed normal, and it is okay to get help, if you need it. It took me years to to come to terms with not only the fact that SAD exists, but that I suffer from it. I couldn't possibly have a "mental health problem". That couldn't happen to me. [insert eye rolling at my ridiculous younger self]

Some days are better than others. I find when I am forced to leave my couch house for an appointment that I have a much better --much happier and more productive -- day. If I am able to get into a routine that pulls together my day in an organized fashion and things get done around here, I find that helps too. I've been out of a routine since we moved in and it definitely hasn't helped the situation. I'm spending some time over the next few days contemplating my family's needs and wants, my needs and wants, household responsibilities, and a schedule to slowly but surely get back to work on balancing them all.

In the meantime, I'm going to go against my natural inclination to clam up and disappear, and stick around while I claw my way back up to the light. I hope you will too.