mission statement

I've been wanting to create a personal mission statement for quite some time, and last night I found a really great tool that finally helped me do just that. While I'm not sure I want to share my mission statement just yet, I'm really, really excited about it! I am hoping that referring back to it reminds me of the things I want to accomplish and keeps me on track to do so.

That's the point, right?

Anyway, if you, too, have been looking to do something like this for yourself...look no further! :)

unhappy holidays

I really struggled with the holidays this year.

I spent so much time worrying about the buying!making!preparing!giving!
wrapping!decorating! ...that I just...well, I just burned out.

Completely.

For whatever reason, I decided 2012 should be the year I pitch a 'handmade Christmas' to my loved ones. You know, the year when I moved twice, bought a house, got a puppy, went insane, stressed over family health problems, sued a crappy landlady, and a bunch of other issues I didn't bother/want to blog about.

I love crafting. Absolutely, truly love it. And despite my previous post, I really do enjoy crafting for others. So, I totally thought the handmade Christmas thing was going to go perfect. I just didn't count on a few outside factors, such as...burned chocolate, a destroyer dog, sizing issues, random breakage, and then just...running out of time.

By the time this week...and my parents...and the holiday...arrived, I was so over Christmas. I was exhausted. All I could focus on was the nap I would get when it was finally over. My mom and I talked about it while she was here, and she felt exactly the same. We also both agreed on something else.

Next year needs to be different. It has to be, and we, ourselves, have to make it so.

Next year needs to be different. The whole year. Not just Christmas.

So, how am I going to make that happen?

{wordless} giving

Our daughter has the most caring, most thoughtful, most giving heart. In my thirty years, I've only come across a handful of people I'd honestly say that about, and she is not included because I am biased. Honestly, because she is mine, the bar has been held that much higher for her to be there.

She cries because she so happy that she can't handle the emotion, she feels pain for her friends (which often makes her cry, too), and she's the first one to offer up something of her own if she knows someone else will enjoy it.

The latter is the case with this photograph. It's of an owl sticker she found among her many Christmas gifts, and something she held in her hand as she came down the stairs just a few minutes ago  singsonging, "Mooooommm, I have a present for you. I know it's something you'll like..."

She never ceases to amaze me. I cannot, for the life of me, picture my seven-year-old self giving anyone anything. Not a sticker, not a toy...nothing. I liked my things, and I liked them to remain mine. Nor did I --or,  rarely do I now, even-- ever show the depth of emotion that this little girl does.

She is amazing and wonderful, and I have so very much to learn from her.

Merry Christmas!!

May the greatest gift you receive be the memories you make with loved ones.

12/12/12

Everyone has been making a big deal about today's date; about how they've never seen it before and will never see it again. At first I was the same way, thinking I'd never see another 12/12/12 unless I lived to be 130, but then I realized something.

Yes, this is a date I've never seen before and am quite sure I'll never see again (living to 130 is a bit more than wishful thinking). But you know what? Today is a day I'll never see again. Who cares what order the numbers fall into? Every day is a gift, because the next is not for certain.

“It's being here now that's important. There's no past and there's no future. 

Time is a very misleading thing. All there is ever, is the now. 

We can gain experience from the past, but we can't relive it; 

and we can hope for the future, but we don't know if there is one.” 

--George Harrison

Live for today. The only thing special about a date (day) is how you live it. Numbers are just...numbers.

{wordless} lights

It's a lot more fun to decorate your house for Christmas when it actually is yours. :)

outed.

November was a month of not much blogging. I wanted to blame it on being busy, or the guilt of having too many other things to do that I didn't end up doing anyway, but that wasn't it.

The truth is, I was outed as a blogger on Facebook. A friend** from my hometown who had absolutely no idea how hard I struggle with the idea of "putting things out there", so to speak, mentioned me and the fact that I blog in her own desire to participate in '30 Days of Giving Thanks'. She was trying to do a good thing by giving me credit, and I truly, completely appreciated that.

But, suddenly, my real life and internet life collided and I was very, very uncomfortable with that. I was back living again in that small town of 700 people and everyone knew my every move.

I was back in the fishbowl.

Granted, she didn't even link me, and most people who saw her post probably couldn't find my blog if they tried. There isn't a lot of searchable material on it that links me to me. Still, they now knew it existed, and that was enough. Too much.

Every time I tried to update here, I was blocked. The words just would not come. In my head, every word would be judged. Watched. Picked apart and criticized. I would again be the fodder for gossip that I had escaped upon moving away.

Today it finally occurred to me that I really don't care what those people think. I have --and lead-- a good life. I have nothing to be ashamed about. I don't talk about things here that I wouldn't tell someone in person. People are always going to be critical -- that I can't escape. But, I don't have to let them bring me down directly or indirectly.

And, I'm not going to, either. Not any longer.



**I know you are probably going to read this, and will know who you are. I'm not mad at you at all! Never was! Please don't feel badly. I just had to get over my own issues about blogging. No worries :)

{wordless} insanity

The layover for the trip home on Sunday was in Newark (NJ). Every flight in Terminal A was delayed at least 1.5 hours, which made for a lot of disgruntled travelers --me, included-- and not many extra seats.

Apparently, this happens often there? I'll be skipping Newark in my future travels for sure. Ugh.

{wordless} leaving on a jet plane....

Destination:  Houston

Mood:  Excited

{quotes} love yourself. be yourself.

"Love yourself, for who and what you are; protect your dream and develop your talent to the fullest extent. Don't lose sight of your goals. No matter what the obstacles are, don't let anything deter you from your best effort. Don't allow anyone to tell you what you can and cannot do. Be tough, be stubborn, love yourself, and find friends who believe in you." 

~Joan Benoit Samuelson

1984 Olympic Gold Medalist, Women's Marathon

{wordless} work of art

Have I mentioned I adore owls? No??

Well, I do.

Imagine my delight when Lily brought home her art-project-slash-fundraiser that was an owl. AN OWL SHE PAINTED.

Yeah, I pretty much bought all the things. Mugs, mousepads, notecards, etc, etc.

Can you blame me???

been busy living life...

While my blog has been boring, life has been anything but. Here are the highlights, in no particular order:

• Lily missed three days of school due to the croup.
• We traveled down to and spent Veterans' Day weekend with my in-laws in New Jersey. The Sandy devastation --especially through Connecticut and New York-- was insane.
• I registered to "go back" to school in January. (I'm going to save the details on this for another post!)
• I've had two (out of three) pets to the vet for regular checkups. Both --Maggie and Sadie-- are doing fine. Sadie actually goes back again tomorrow for her second Lyme Disease vaccination booster.
• Lily joined a Brownie troop.
• I got a chance to spend a day with my favorite cousin. She came to see our new home, then she and I did lunch and a little shopping (where I spent too much at AC Moore, as usual).
• Sadie graduated from puppy obedience class.
• I met with Lily's teacher for the first parent-teacher conference of the year. My kiddo is doing great. Top of her class in math, actually. Yay!! She's also fitting in well with her new classmates :) 

And...I got caught up on my housework. Well, maybe for a day, anyway...

truth.

We may shine, we may shatter,

We may be picking up the pieces here on after,

We are fragile, we are human,

And we are shaped by the light we let through us.

We break fast, 'cause we are glass.

~Glass by Thompson Square

{wordless} whirlwind

A freak storm cropped up in a Southern Maine dining room and wreaked serious havoc. If you look closely, you can see the eye of the storm...

{wordless} yesterday

giving thanks: day 4

Today's thank you is for our amazing neighbors --who are quickly becoming very good friends.

They warmly welcomed us to the street and have made a point to get us introduced to other people. There are always offers to help us with whatever we may need or have plans to do. On Thursday, we were given 18 eggs from their backyard chickens. Just because.

They're just nice people and we are thankful to have them in our lives, so I'm telling them the best way I know how (without being too mushy and scaring them off, ha) -- by baking.

Pumpkin bread...mmmmm.

giving thanks: day 1

I don't claim to be religious. I don't go to church. I often struggle with faith.

But most every night, before I go to sleep, I pray. I make it a point to thank God for giving me the opportunity to live another day, for the wellbeing of my family and friends, and for anything else I am feeling grateful for -- including the little things. 

I really try not to ask Him for much, and when I do ask for something, I save it for last. I began praying to specifically to show my gratitude, and I try to keep it that way.

It seemed only fitting that this kick off my month of giving thanks ♡

{wordless} happy halloween!

30 days of giving thanks

It’s simple.

Take a moment each day in November and thank someone in your life.

Send a text, make a call, leave a post-it,

write an old fashioned letter…

Make eye contact.

Smile.

And say, “thanks.”

It doesn’t matter how you thank them.  

Simply think of someone in your life - each day - and tell them why you are thankful for them.  

Give them your thanks.

Thank thirty people in thirty days.

Can’t think of thirty people?

Look more closely at the people you encounter in a day. 

The postman.

The barista.

The friendly teller at the bank.

The woman who always stamps your parking ticket.

Your neighbor down the street.

Is there a local store owner who makes you feel welcome every time you shop?

Do you have a favorite sacker at the grocery store?

How about someone you work with that makes you laugh?

Do you have a favorite hair stylist, or a massage therapist, or yoga teacher?

Have you you told your best friend how much you appreciate their friendship?

Did you ever thank your favorite teacher?

Has anyone helped change the course of your life?

What about someone you are really close to – like your kids or spouse – when’s the last time you thanked them?

***

Isn't this an amazing idea? I'm really looking forward to the positivity and warmth this brings into my life over the next month. You can join in too at:

  A Free Spirit Life.

{wordless} the sandy situation

Source: weather.com

Not my photo, but definitely something at the very forefront of my mind at the moment.

the boy i fell in love with.

I was sorting through some papers and things Mike's grandmother sent back with him after his last visit with her, and I came upon a little newsletter he'd done about himself for a class in high school, just weeks before we started dating.

"THE DAILY MIKE" was printed neatly across the top of a sheet of ragged red construction paper; the words 'Price: FREE' were minuscule in the upper right. Rectangles painstakingly drawn with a ruler contained little blurbs about him, such as his horoscope, favorite foods, greatest accomplishment, and interests. He liked the clichéd long walks on the beach, by the way...in case you were curious ;)

What got me was the photo of himself he'd attached. I saw that, and I was suddenly a freshman in high school again, giddy and feeling my insides get all squishy at the very sight of him. Here was the boy I fell in love with, who stole my heart and has held onto it after all of these years.

He's not that boy anymore, and I'm not that girl. We're man and woman, husband and wife. We've changed and grown immensely, we've built a life and a family.

Does he still make me feel the way he did back then? Absolutely. But, I love him in a different way than I did then. I love him more. It's just...there is nothing like the feeling of first love.

I am so very, very ridiculously lucky (and thankful) to be still in love with --and married to-- mine.

feeling SAD.

I was very hesitant to write about this because it's a little more personal than I am accustomed to sharing freely, especially in such a public way as this. But, that was the whole point of me creating this space....to share, to grow, to change.

My subtitle reads "Living a life of love, light, and creativity". I'll be honest and tell you there isn't a whole lot of the light lately, both figuratively and literally.

I love fall. Fall is, without a doubt, my most favorite season. I love the crispness in the air, the foods (pumpkin cookies? coffee? bread? pie? mmm...yes, please), the decorations. I love how the sky is a different shade of blue than it is in the summer and that the trees streak orange!yellow!red! across it before the leaves drop and create a vibrant sea on my lawn.

But fall is my downfall. Fall is when the days grow shorter and that delicious sunlight I subconsciously soak up all summer long dwindles, leaving me feeling like a shell of my former self. It's hard to find the motivation to do anything, even things I enjoy that require little to no effort on my part (like knitting or watching tv). It's a disheartening feeling, but even the desire to do something about it is rarely there.

It's possible you know exactly what I'm talking about. According to an article published by the National Institutes of Health, Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) affects 6% of the US population, and another 14% suffer from a lesser form of seasonal mood changes (winter blues). Ever heard "Away from the Sun" by 3 Doors Down? That's pretty much my theme song these days.

This isn't a cry for help or a plea for comments of sympathy. This post is an invitation to take a step back and assess your own situation. To tell yourself you aren't alone, you are indeed normal, and it is okay to get help, if you need it. It took me years to to come to terms with not only the fact that SAD exists, but that I suffer from it. I couldn't possibly have a "mental health problem". That couldn't happen to me. [insert eye rolling at my ridiculous younger self]

Some days are better than others. I find when I am forced to leave my couch house for an appointment that I have a much better --much happier and more productive -- day. If I am able to get into a routine that pulls together my day in an organized fashion and things get done around here, I find that helps too. I've been out of a routine since we moved in and it definitely hasn't helped the situation. I'm spending some time over the next few days contemplating my family's needs and wants, my needs and wants, household responsibilities, and a schedule to slowly but surely get back to work on balancing them all.

In the meantime, I'm going to go against my natural inclination to clam up and disappear, and stick around while I claw my way back up to the light. I hope you will too.

{wordless} owl

Mike captured this shot at the end of our driveway on Monday evening while walking Sadie. I wonder if it's the same one who spent the majority of the last two weeks of August hooting away by our open bedroom window in the middle of the night?

dempsey challenge weekend 2012

There is nothing like the energy of being in a crowd of people who have come together to support an amazing cause, even if the temps are just above freezing and you're there well before you're normally even out of bed on a Saturday morning.

I have participated in the Dempsey Challenge since its inaugural event in 2009, and yesterday's turnout at the 5K and 10K Run/Walk  in Lewiston, Maine, was --as usual-- nothing short of awe-inspiring! The photo above was of the people in front of me waiting to start. There were just as many lined up behind me!

It really is all about the cause for me, but it is pretty cool to get a glimpse of Patrick Dempsey :) I did feel kind of weird taking his picture though, and tried to sneak it. I didn't want to be seen snapping it, lol, even if he is used to that sort of thing or has no clue who I am.

My plan had been to run the 10K with my lifelong friend Erika, as we have the last two years, but that cold I whined about earlier in the week only got worse and by yesterday morning, I had barely any voice and a hacking cough that left my lungs burning in its wake. Running 6.2 miles would have done me in not helped my situation, so we walked instead. That ended up being okay. We still made really good time, and it gave us more opportunity to catch up.

Oh! I exceeded my fundraising goal, by the way. It was $300, and one last donation made just three hours before the race put me at $320. I am extremely pleased!! So, if you donated over the past few months --and are reading this-- thank you very, very much.

I started participating in 2009 because I know what it's like to be part of a family who could use some direction on the path to fighting cancer but live in an area where such resources aren't readily available. I know how the Patrick Dempsey Center for Hope and Healing could have helped us way back when, and I want to make sure it stays available for others who need it.

Last year, my focus shifted. The driving force of my participation became the memory of my beloved Auntie, who was diagnosed with late-stage lymphoma in May 2011 and lost her life to it just two months later on July 20th.

When you're walking along, and talking to a friend you haven't seen in a year, it's easy to get distracted and forget exactly why you're there. Maybe that's why the event organizers chose to place the memory and honor signs just before the finish line. It's a sobering reminder of the reality of cancer and the lives affected by and lost from it.

Walking by these signs was a very powerful, very humbling experience. It gave crossing the finish line a whole new meaning, and reminded me to be grateful. It also made me realize I want to do more than I've done in the past for the Dempsey Center. I just have to figure out what more means and work on a plan to achieve that.

This has become a weekend that I look forward to every year, especially since the second year when Erika started participating with me. We've made it into an annual event that encompasses not only the Challenge, but also lots of food, shopping, and catching up. We only live about two hours away from each other, but it ends up being the one time a year we get to see each other. Our lives get busy, and time flies, and before we know it, it's October again.

It was such a positive, wonderful weekend, but I still find it difficult not to be sad that it is already over. It feels like it just started! I guess I just have to keep reminding myself that the 2013 Challenge will be here again in the blink of an eye.

hole in the wall.

So, remember two weeks ago when I said that the feeling of homeownership hadn't sunk in yet??  Our in-progress repair work on the back door has definitely taken care of that.

Due to our home inspection, we knew when we bought the house that there was some water damage under and around the bottom of the door casing due to improper installation of the doorstep. We were prepared for the fact that we'd need to fix that. We were also prepared that there might be some mold growing, as we could tell a small portion of wall/sheetrock was starting to swell towards the bottom right. In the scheme of house shopping and buying, it was a minimal problem and definitely not something to not buy the house over (or hold up the closing by trying to get the sellers' bank to pay for the fix). We still feel that way, but...

The contractor started yesterday, and the following are photos of how the day --and the door-- progressed:

Black mold under the woodwork completely crumbled the bottom of the sheetrock. Eeek.

The wood under the door rotten and moldy. See that strip of green in the middle, on the right? The contractor stuck his thumb down through it -- it was mush.

That...is a lot of black mold. More than we anticipated.

Just a closer look.

All the bad stuff has been removed...now waiting for repair.

Maybe I meant regressed, instead of progressed. Ugh.

We are SO glad we made up our minds to take care of this immediately. Not only because black mold is so unsafe, but also because the contractor told us we caught it just in time. Before too long, it would have moved into the structure work of the house. Not good.

According to the contractor, the door he removed yesterday was not the original one to the house. Someone had known about this problem, removed the original door and wood under it without thoroughly cleaning up the rot or mold OR fixing the leak, slapped a new piece of wood down and threw a door in, and left it. Nice, huh?

At the present moment, the new door is in place and is being secured. After that, the finish work will be completed, a storm door installed, and the stairs reinstalled and lowered so that they don't cause another water issue in the future. I'm not sure if all of those things will be happening today, but I hope so. It's getting a little tiring having people around, especially since I'm still pretty under the weather.

{wordless} fall back, fall forward

sicky.

When your husband and child(ren) come down with that nasty "first-of-the-school-year" cold/flu and you don't, do not tell gleefully tell everyone you come in contact with that you didn't get it. Don't be patting yourself on the back, and don't even dare wonder how you managed to steer clear this time.

A week or two will go by, and you'll really think you've escaped it and then -- wham! You wake up with severe sore throat and within two days, you'll have a full blown head-cold that is ten times worse than what everybody else in your house had.

So...guess who's sick?

My nose is both clogged and running, there is some serious sinus pressure building behind my left eye, can't stop sneezing, and medications aren't an option until bedtime. (Antihistamines knock me out, and decongestants aren't an option due to thyroid disease.) So here I sit, building a mountain of tissues in the wastebasket and sucking down fluids like it's my job while I try to ignore the fact that I feel miserable.

It didn't help that today I was right out straight with errands and appointments, but tomorrow I will be at home all day and hopefully will get some rest from the downtime. I intend to spend the day on the couch -- crafting, writing, playing in Photoshop Elements, and drinking steaming mugs of tea.

At least being sick is an excuse to guiltlessly take time to do the things I enjoy, right??

time management?

If you're out there, readers, this is a time I'd love to hear from you. How do you manage your time efficiently? Do you schedule your days? Make lists? Follow a program like FlyLady? Completely wing it?

Week One of Project Real Life focuses on the idea that cultivating a good life is beginning with the end [result] in mind. I've spent a lot of time over the weekend thinking about what that means for me - what I want for myself, my family, and my home.

I want a home filled with love and joy (which we have), but I want it without the guilt hanging over my head that there is still laundry to be done or dishes to be loaded into the dishwasher (don't have that so much, lol). I want those things to already be done, and I want to have a system in place to ensure that is how things start happening around here. There are other aspects of life cultivating that I am thinking about as well, but those are a little more personal and not for public consumption. At least, not yet. Who knows, maybe I'll need to pick your brains again ;)

It's quite possible I need to simplify, too. Moving has shown me just how much needless "stuff" we have. It just makes for clutter, and for extra work. So, I need to let go of these things. Sounds easy, right? It's not. I hate to give up anything that I might have a use for "someday". I'm working on changing that mentality. Case in point:  the gorgeous snowflake porcelain plates I bought seven years ago to serve Christmas dinners on, and have never used -- but have boxed up and moved FIVE times now. Chances are good that I'm never going to use these plates, so why can't I let them go??

Less stuff = less work. That needs to be my mantra. Well, one of them anyway.

However, back to the original point of my post -- I still need to figure out a way to better manage my time because I'll need plenty of it to work on purging the items I don't need as well as getting the everyday stuff done and making time for family (and, for me, too!). So, any suggestions? :)

small town saturday night

It's such a nice feeling when all of the pieces are falling into place, isn't it?

This is the kind of house we always wanted, the kind of neighborhood we wanted to live in, and tonight we found ourselves meeting the kind of neighbors we always hoped to have.

The street association president and his wife hosted a neighborhood get-together at their house, and we had the best time. (Honestly, we'd probably still be there if we'd had a sitter for the evening.) These people were all so nice. So fun. It was very enjoyable talking with them and getting to know them, and thinking that maybe --finally-- some potential new friendships were starting to take root in our lives.

I got a little chilled (it was outside), Mike will have heartburn from eating the most amazing buffalo chicken dip, and Lily will probably be cranky tomorrow (she went to bed over an hour later than normal), but totally worth it.

Such a great night!!

three weeks.

When I first sat down to write, I intended to start this entry with "It's hard to believe that tomorrow marks three weeks of Sadie being a part of our lives." But, as I sat here and thought about that statement, as well as the past three weeks, I decided that might not be completely true. At all.

I can believe it's been three weeks. It's been a loooong three weeks of spot treating/cleaning the living room carpet nonstop, night after night of interrupted sleep, cats being tormented and chased, items not nailed down being stolen and chewed (including my iPhone), and a constant battle of wills.

Do I regret bringing her into our home? Not even a little. I know she is going to make for a wonderful companion and protector for our family once we get her trained and grown up a bit. Will my sanity last long enough to reach that point? I'm not sure.

I'm kidding. (I hope.)

She's passed out on the living room floor as I write this, sprawled and snoring; completely exhausted from her puppy obedience class earlier this evening. When I get up in a bit to refill my water glass, she'll follow and resettle on the kitchen floor, ready to sleep on the cool (and definitely less comfortable) wood flooring just because it means staying close to me. I'll come back in here to sit down and she'll return to curl up at my feet. It's probably just the Shepherd in her -- trying to herd, but I like to think that maybe it's because she's a little attached to me.

Because I know I am attached to her. The past weeks haven't really been all that fun, but the longer she's here, the more I find that I love having her around.

{wordless} mums

One of my favorite things about Fall...

{digiscrap} hello home.

Now that we are settled getting settled, I am happily picking back up where I left off with (re)learning Photoshop Elements so that I can get started with digital scrapbooking. I just finished the online course I started over at JessicaSprague.com late last spring, and the above layout was the final byproduct of that.

I forgot how much fun I have working in PSE! I am pretty sure I want to take another of her classes, and soon. In the meantime, I'll be starting Becky Higgins's Project Real Life on Thursday and I am SO excited. (This is another reason I decided to refresh my PSE skill set -- I'm going to do my Project Life album digitally.) I have admired Becky's work for years and years, and have been anxiously waiting to take this class since it was announced last year!

So, that's what I'm up to at the moment, trying to work some of that muchly missed creativity back into my life, a little at a time and in between boxes. Stay tuned. I'll have more to share soon!!

finito.

It's Thursday! When did that happen??

I say this because WE CLOSED ON OUR HOUSE ON MONDAY morning and I just realized I didn't even mention it here yet!! It was definitely not my intention to withhold that information all week. After all we've been through with it, you'd think I would be standing up on the roof shouting, "We're homeowners! It's OURS! Yaaaaaay!"

It was a quiet affair. We met at the bank and signed the papers, then he went off to work and I came home to Sadie and a pee puddle. For all of the lead up to and waiting for we did, the day felt pretty normal. I'd expected to feel different when it was a done deal, but I didn't. I still don't. No Cloud 9 moment for me. Maybe it hasn't sunk in yet??

A friend of mine said, "Wait until you make that first mortgage payment. Then it'll hit you." I don't think I believe that, though. We've been paying rent for ten years. I'm used to making monthly payments on our living arrangements, so I don't think mailing off a check is going to bring about any epiphanies.

No, I think the slide into homeownership mentality is going to be gradual. Little realizations here and there, like when we decide we want to paint a room or pull up a rug, and don't have to ask (and be denied) permission. Or, when we don't mow our lawn for another week because it really doesn't need to be done and there is no one out there all but measuring the blades of grass with a ruler because she has some sort of complex about the length grass should be. (Not kidding about that.)

Now that I think about it, I do feel something:  relief. Relief in knowing those days of answering to someone else about our home are over. That, quite possibly, may be the best feeling of all.

You know what? This feeling of peace and the huge smile on my face make me think it may have hit me just now :)

{wordless} well...

Puppies are adorable. Also?

They're hard work.

little miss sadie

We have wanted a dog for years --specifically a German Shepherd-- but as renters, weren't allowed to have dogs in any of the homes we lived in.

Today, finally, we brought one home. A little girl.

Sadie.

She is eight and a half weeks old, and a complete cuddlebug. At this point, she is pretty attached to me specifically and won't leave my side. When she sleeps, she has to be touching some part of me. Right now, she's curled against my right calf. 

And even though she's been part of our family for just about 12 hours, we already adore her.

a race and a request...

On October 13th, I'll be participating in my FOURTH year of the Dempsey Challenge! 

As I did last year, I'll be running the 10K in memory of my Auntie, who lost her life to lymphoma on July 20, 2011. 

There are so many families out there like mine; whose lives are touched and torn by cancer. Please consider supporting me as I try to help in making their journeys a little easier by raising funds for the Dempsey Center. 

Help me reach my goal? :)

I appreciate it so very much!!

embarking on a creative adventure

More often than not, my love of creating gets overshadowed by my need to produce something perfect as the end result. Even now, as I sit here writing this blog entry, I'm pouring over every word as though it's the most important thing ever to be written. I will proofread and edit countless times, and finally it will get posted, but I still won't be happy with it.

I get so caught up with how I think others will see the end product that I don't allow myself to simply enjoy the process of creating it. This is something I've desperately been wanting to change about myself.

One day last spring while surfing around the web, I stumbled on a link to the website of an e-course called Inside Out: A Creative Adventure of Self-Discovery. As soon as I read the description, I knew I had to enroll in the next session.

Since the I registered at the end of April, I've been anxiously waiting all summer for it to begin and today was (finally!!!!!) the big day.

I'm not going to go into details about my lessons here because Shannon puts a lot of love into them, but I will share that the photo* above is of my first creative play exercise in my new journal. I'm absolutely thrilled with how it turned out, and how easy it actually was for me to make something without second guessing every little step. I'm really quite proud of this page.

And, you know what? I'm proud of me, too.


*Sorry that the photo quality is so poor. I had to use my iPhone because my camera battery charger is still in a box somewhere :(

what summer?

When I started this blog back in February, I meant what I said. I wanted to step outside my comfort zone and chronicle the journey of my next thirty (and, hopefully, way beyond) years. It was --and still very much is-- my intention to live life to the fullest. To better myself, to bloom creatively. To dare to be all I did not during my first thirty years.

While I don't have any excuse for my hiatus from the end of February until my post at the beginning of June, I have a fabulous one from then until...now.

It was mid-April when Mike and I decided it was time to stop renting and become homeowners. Not only was it getting old paying a payment every month (rent) and having nothing to show for it, but our landlord always carried a high stress aura with her and she seemed to be hanging around our home  more and more. It got old; having her mow the lawn of her property next door (also a rental) and being concerned she was going to drop by just because she could. I was nice to her because we lived in her house (and because she had an extremely short fuse), and that made her feel we were "friends".

Our lease ended in March. She kept mentioning bringing over a lease extension for us to sign but did not, and we stopped mentioning it because of our decision to leave. As volatile as we knew she was, we felt that she would not take kindly to our leaving, even if it was to take the awesome, amazing step of home ownership. A "friend" would be happy for us. We were quite sure she wouldn't be.

On June 1st, just a few hours after my last post on this blog, she finally cornered me with the paperwork and I had to inform her of our plans. She reacted just as we thought she would, and returned later that afternoon with a notice for us to vacate the premises within thirty days, which she could do as we became at-will tenants at the end of our lease. "It's not personal, it's business," she said. Right. Three years of being perfect tenants and this is how we are treated when we want to buy our own home. I guess we were expected to rent for the rest of our lives.

At that point, we hadn't even found a home we wanted to buy, so closing on something in that time frame was not going to happen. What were we going to do? We toyed with Lily, our cats, and I moving back to our hometown while Mike stayed in a hotel, but in the end decided we didn't want to be separated. We would rent something, somewhere. In the meantime, we scoured the realtor listings.

On June 6th, we found our new home. It was a house we had originally decided against looking at due to being a short sale. We were in a time crunch, after all. Be closed and in wherever we were going to be before Lily started school. Short sales are notorious for not only only not being short, but being ginormous headaches. Our agent and theirs had talked, though, and there seemed to be the possibility of maybe renting it until we closed, if we decided we liked it. We LOVED it. We made an offer immediately and kept our fingers crossed that they would accept it and allow us to rent.

Our offer was accepted by the owners, but they weren't comfortable with renting it out to us. Frustrated --but in love with the house-- we decided to wait out the process and rented a small apartment, taking a fraction of our belongings with us --slept on mattresses on the floor, sat in lawn chairs. It was kind of like college, just less fun. The majority of our things went into two of those storage pod things and got whisked away to places unknown.

Our landlord made sure things did not end on good terms, as she does with all of her tenants who dare leave her, forcing us to bring legal action against her. Really, I just want that chapter of our life to be closed, but not quite enough to let her win, I guess. I'll leave it at that, for now, since this is ongoing and I don't think I'm supposed to be talking about it. (Or, is that just on TV?)

We spent all of July nervously waiting for the sellers' bank to accept our offer (a necessary step during a short sale). I'm sure we drove our agent crazy, calling her every other day to see if there was news. Finally, we were told to do a home inspection in case there was anything the bank needed to fix before we closed. There wasn't.

More waiting.

Finally, on August 11th, the sellers decide to let us rent until closing so that we can be in the house before Lily starts school...and on the 14th, their bank officially accepts our offer. We began moving in on the 15th, on the 17th we went to our bank to send our mortgage application "live", and on September 17th, we will be homeowners.

It has been a crazy, nervewracking ride. After Lily climbed onto the bus on her first day, there was a fleeting thought of, "Where did the summer go?" And then I remembered. I know exactly where our summer went. We spent it packing, cleaning, moving, cleaning, unpacking, packing, cleaning, and moving. In that order.

We're still unpacking. That, I think, is going to take awhile.

photo a day: day 1

Morning.

bad blogger.

I'm really bad at this blogging thing. I'm going to try to be better.

Starting with this:

                                                                                       

                     (Credit: Fat Mum Slim)

declutter

Nearly everywhere in my life, there is clutter. Clutter in my home, in my body and mind, in my relationships. On my computer, in my car, my purse...

The list goes on and on.

I am tired of the clutter. Of the unnecessary. Off the too much. It makes me feel unwell, unhappy, frustrated, overwhelmed, exhausted.

It makes me be...not me.

I haven't really worked out all of the specifics yet on how I'm going to do so, but there is major life decluttering in my future. Today, I started with the possessions/home aspect and took some time to tackle an area that has been plaguing me for awhile:  my bills/mail/stationery cabinet.

Once upon a time, this had been an area where I could put my hands instantly on whatever I needed and not also instantly have an avalanche. I spent some time on it today and it makes me so happy just looking at the neat-and-organized-ness.  Plus, I don't have to dread opening the door any more! Score.

I still need to go through the file folders up there on the top left, and probably the basket too, but I left them for now. Baby steps.

Tomorrow, I will take another step on my life-decluttering journey. I am participating in a 7-day clean food challenge (I will talk it more in-depth about soon!) which will hopefully help my body detoxify and heal, as well as prepare me for the healthier and gluten-free lifestyle that I keep putting off. No sugar, alcohol, dairy (no cheese?!! This may kill me), gluten, or caffeine. 

I need to go to the grocery store...and binge on cheese.

this one's for the birds...

I like making things. Not only do I like having a finished product that I created, but I like the process of creating. I like it so much that I will spend the good portion of a Saturday making suet cakes that I could buy at the store for less than $2 each.

Okay, that's a bit of a stretch. I didn't realize that it was going to take me so long, or how much effort would be involved. I'm not so sure this is a project I'll be tackling again.

Although, if I get some new feathered visitors to my backyard --or my cardinals come back-- I may rethink this.

You can use vegetable shortening, but since we had beef fat included in the cow share we bought this past summer, I used that. When using animal fat, you are supposed to chop it up before you put in the pan, but since I wanted to handle this as little as possible, I broke it up with a knife IN the pan. That worked okay, but I did eventually had to put some of the bigger chunks into my Magic Bullet, as they didn't seem to want to melt.

After it melted, I strained the very lumpy (ew) liquid through four layers of cheesecloth into another pan and left it for a few hours to cool. I forgot to grab photos of these steps.

Then, you melt it a second time, and strain it again. It looks a lot less disgusting the second time around, and you can almost pretend you're not poking a spoon around in animal fat.

Once it has been strained that second time, you don't have to let it cool before you start adding the treats for the birdies. First, I added a large dollop of peanut butter and stirred until smooth. Next, I added in some cornmeal...

...and then some rolled oats...

...and then the birdseed. 

Poured into a foil-lined 8x8 pan. (Most of the birdseed and all of the oats sank to the bottom. Oh well.) Left overnight to cool and set.

End result!
Four suet cage-sized cakes that smell whole lot like peanut butter fudge. The missing piece is already outside waiting to be sampled and these remaining three will go into the freezer for later.

And now? 

I'm going to spend the remainder of the day stalking my bird feeders watching for any takers via the kitchen window :)

facts, and a fiction.

After two doctors appointments, three doses of antibiotics, six missed days of school, and eight days of bedrest, Lily went back to school this morning. She's still not 100%, but she's getting there. She doesn't know it yet, but she'll be resting plenty more over the weekend. She's going to love that.

(On Monday morning, I took her back to the doctor. Double ear infection. Didn't call that at all, did I?) 

With missed school comes makeup homework, and hers arrived in the form of math (addition), science (sun/moon), and writing (stories!!). Lily has been writing stories for a year now, and the idea of it still blows my mind. Kindergarten, and writing stories. When we were in kindergarten, my husband and I were learning how to write letters and numbers. Our daughter was expected to put sentences together in a "beginning, middle, end" format before she could even spell many of the words she wanted to use. Craziness.

I couldn't help but be impressed (and touched) by her newest, completed on Tuesday afternoon:

The last page, especially, made me smile. We love you too, Lilybug.

it's an orange! it's a candle! it's an orange candle!

Pinterest. The place where I spend way too much time browsing and repinning amazing things to my various boards. The recipes, creative ideas, and inspiration are endless, and I just...

LOVE it. 

One of the things I'd seen here and there, and eventually pinned to my "Crafty" board was using the hollowed out skin of half an orange to make a candle. While I have found (and pinned) many projects I want to try, this one was something I could easily accomplish without making a special trip to any store. Lately, we almost always have oranges in the house.

So, on Saturday, after choosing the squishiest orange from our fruit bowl and following the easy instructions, I ended up with:

Which is rather cool looking, but disappointingly not orange-scented. At all. It did, however, impress my husband with its 8+ hour burn time.

It had been burning a few hours when I wondered if maybe adding some orange essential oil would make it fragrant, so I did just that...at which point the whole thing kind of caught on fire. Oops. That experience has me suggesting you add that when you pour in the olive or vegetable oil. I couldn't smell orange even after adding the essential oil, but maybe it all burned off in the subsequent inferno  *smile*

Honestly, I probably won't be trying this again, but it was a fun experiment. It would definitely make a pretty (and easy) addition to centerpieces for a summer or fall themed dinner table, though, so there's always that.

"you know, mom..."

I'm starting to learn I should always brace myself for whatever follows those words. I truly never know what is coming. But, back to that in a minute.

Our daughter is in first grade, and therefore, sick more often than not. We're currently in the middle of battling yet another illness; one that's brought along with it a relatively high fever and pretty persistent cough. This is Day 5, and I think --dare I hope??-- she might be on the mend.

As these things often have a way of turning into one sort of infection (ear) or another (bronchitis) for her, I took her to the pediatrician on Thursday morning after the day of rest and pushing fluids on Wednesday only seemed to produce higher temperatures and more coughing. This was when we got our diagnosis of "it's viral", and when I resigned myself to the fact we'd most likely be sitting in the same spot again next week and getting an antibiotic for at least one of the fore-mentioned delights.

On our drive home, she was uncharacteristically quiet. I knew she obviously couldn't be feeling very well, but a quick glance over my shoulder proved her to be doing okay, so I left her to herself and me to the radio. For all I knew, she was enjoying Phil Collins too. Besides, talking caused (and is still causing) her many coughing fits.

What she was actually doing was pondering a fact that had randomly entered her head. And then, doing a little math. When she'd thoroughly thought the whole thing over, she decided she'd let me in on it, very matter-of-factly.

"You know, Mom, in twenty years you'll be 50."



...oy.

sailing away from the safe harbor.

I've gone back and forth on the whole idea of blogging for years. Sometimes I think I want to do it, then two seconds later (and usually after spending a day setting a new blog up), I decide don't. As I am an intensely private person, I've never been big on sharing my life or my thoughts with people outside my inner circle, something I blame partially on growing up in a small town --where everybody knows your business, often before you do. (Ironically enough, we are again living a small town life, albeit a different one, where no one knows us, and that has ended up being kind of lonely at times. Go figure.)

So, what made me decide to blog? To finally, really blog?

In two and a half months, I'm going to be thirty years old. All things considered, I've had a pretty great run of it so far, but. There are things that could be better. Things that I would like to do. 

Things that I would like to change. Need to change.

So, I'm starting here, with this blog. Putting myself a little more out into the world --stepping outside my comfort zone, so to speak-- and hopefully growing (and changing) in the process.

Here's to another thirty years...and more. Welcome to my journey.

“Twenty years from now you will be disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor.  Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

 ~Mark Twain